p/d – Radley Metzger. Cast: Constance Money, Jamie Gillis, Jaqueline Beasant, Terri
Hail, Gloria Leonard, Ras Keen, Casey Donovan, Jenny Baxter, Mary Stuart, Cynthia
Gardner, Helene Simone, Marlene Willoughby and Nancy Dare.
The only film ever selected as Best Picture of the Year by all major sources awarding
such honors at the time — the AFAA, Adam Film World, Screw and Hustler. When I wrote
THE TOP 100 book, approximately 8000 adult films had been made and MISTY was my
choice as the best all around film of all time. THE OPENING OF MISTY BEETHOVEN
stands head and shoulders above all shot on videos and features made since the book,
which together number about 2500. This lavishly produced, superbly scored and edited film
is still the best of the bunch. Solid plot, outstanding acting, dialogue so clever that it ranks
among the most sophisticated ever written for the adult genre, and the sex scenes are
simply sensational. There are other films that succeed better in certain areas, but for overall
employment of all cinematic elements, nothing I have seen before or since beats it. MISTY
is a Hollywood film that contains explicit action.
The plot offers a variation of the PYGMALION/MY FAIR LADY theme. Constance Money
plays a Paris street hooker named Dolores Beethoven, a tacky slut who gives old guys
hand jobs in porno theaters. Jamie Gillis plays Seymour Love, a jet-set sex researcher and
author who sees some potential and offers to assist the girl. At a cathouse, he meets fellow
jet-setter Geraldine, played by Jaqueline Beasant and they make a wager on whether he
could perform the amazing transformation. This intrigues Misty enough to give it a try Their
mission is to have Misty become the next Goldenrod Girl of Publisher Lawrence Lehman,
a Hugh Hefner type. During the course of her sexual instruction Jamie is both tender and
critical, and Misty develops a crush. She soon gains a sexual reputation among all the in
people throughout Europe. With the help of Tanya, played by Terri Hall, she is prepared for
the ultimate challenge — bringing out a difficult man. The choice is art dealer Casey
Donovan, who has been unable to perform sexually for quite some time. Misty turns the
trick with her newly acquired skills and Terri’s instructions into her earphone.
When she is ready for the big time, Lehman (played by Ras Kean) and his wife (played
by Gloria Leonard) are overpowered by a now securely aggressive woman. After she reaches
the top of the sexual pinnacle, all that remains is her unfulfilled yearning for Seymour When
she overhears him bragging of his success and mocking her, she takes matters into her
own hands.
No film has ever been edited so brilliantly The pace is precise and the music by noted
rock group Elephant’s Memory really livens the atmosphere. Constance Money is one of
the most attractive women to appear in adult films. Her scenes with Terri and Casey are
erotic triumphs. The three-way finale also features some daring footage, when Constance
uses a dildo to have anal sex with Ras Kean. Incidentally the insert footage was provided
by male film superstar Casey Donovan. Mary Stuart and Jenny Baxter play stewardesses
on a most unusual airline, and the comedy is typical of that laced throughout the film.
This is a sex film that truly has universal appeal. People may have personal favorites
that they rank above MISTY, but for sheer cinematic genius, the film to top it has yet to be
made. I watch it at least twice a year to make sure, and I come away with new respect
(and new trivia) for its brilliance and sadness for the state of the explicit industry.